Bald Headed Crying Dumpster Monkey
Not sure where Ebay seller Hookamonky is finding the items that they’re selling. From the looks of this ugly, worn out, chewed up and spit out 1,000 times monkey, I would have to say that the seller is scraping the bottom of the dumpster barrel. This thing is horrid! No wonder the monkey is crying. He doesn’t want to be put up on Ebay, being told to do a little money dance on top of a piano, shaking its money-maker for potential Ebay buyers.
Poor monkey has had a rough life, full of naughty children dragging him through the mud and leaving him out in the rain, only to be found by the next door neighbor’s German Shepherd, to become the dog’s torture slave chew toy and play thing.
The seller really does the hard sell, with their grainy, 1990’s quality pics and creepy backgrounds. I guess it only adds to the seediness and dirty feeling you get, looking at their auction. Can’t forget their incredible salesmanship skills too, “Vintage Bald headed Crying monkey (CREEPY UGLY)Sold AS IS in USED, well played with, dirty yard sale find condition.”
Gee. I’m really enticed to have this flea-ridden simian in my own home now. I could film grainy home movies with titles like “The Strange case of Curious George Costanza”. This monkey probably smells of 60% rotten banana peels, 30% desperation and 10% perspiration. With a hint of dog pee.