Hmmmm. I have a dead bird and I also have a vintage tray. What kind of art project could I possibly make and throw up on Etsy? I know. I’ll stick the dead bird on the tray so that people can hang it on their wall. It’s quick and kinda Christ-like. The seller offers these Dead Birds On Vintage Serving Trays in either a silver or a gold tray. Pro tip: Looks best in trailers, right next to your gun rack and looks really great if you are living out of the inside of a U-Haul truck.
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Archive for Craft Fail
So this happened. Over on Etsy. Which is what you would expect. This Freaky Hybrid Experiment Sculpture has a weird hybrid creature/freak in a petri dish. More like a pee-tri dish. Am I right? That’s a lot of pee. Just guessing. Dude looks pretty relieved, like he’s been holding it until his mad scientist master says it’s okay and now it’s just ahhhhhhhhhh. Not sure I would have made the bold choice to bathe in it as well, but different strokes for different folks.
This Ouija Board For Pets aka talking board will help your dog, cat, lizard and whatever the hell else you have, communicate with you. Or you can use the planchette to talk to your departed animals. Spoiler alert! You know what they all say? Feed me! Dead or alive, they all want the same thing. I don’t need a damn ouija board to tell me what my cat is thinking. He tells me just fine. Scratching up my furniture means he’s an a-hole, coughing up a hairball means he’s an a-hole, not that he’s sick, and jumping on my face in the morning doesn’t mean he’s hungry. He just wants to remind me that he’s an a-hole. That board only needs one large space reading A-HOLE.
Are you as confused as I am? This Rat Crucifix Held Together By Octopus Tentacles With Machine Guns is pretty rat-icle. Is it about rats against violence? Octopi against rats doing violence? Rats against Octopus enslavement? I just don’t get what you’re trying to say. As a crucifix I’m pretty sure it would ward off something, I just have no idea what.
All I can say is, stay off the drugs kids. And if you don’t, make art I guess.
What poultry offering do I have for you this time? How about a Dancing Chicken Lamp? Does it do the hustle? The Charleston? The Elaine from Seinfeld? I have no idea.
All I know is that this chicken has paid it’s Per-Dues and is ready to dance the night away. So crank up the volume and play some funky nuggets and some free range beats. This lamp is feather-pluckin’ insane son!