Cyborg BarbieBarbie is a role model for anorexic girls everywhere. The doll has probably done young girls more harm than a million Miley Cyrus’ twerking ever could. That’s why it would be awesome if the Borg assimilated her. Resistance is futile b*tch. Go ahead and run into your Malibu beach house. They will find you and you will become part of the collective.

Cyborg Barbie
Now Barbie can use her cyborg pincer hands and long arms to grab Ken and his life-partner by the crotch and throw them against the wall repeatedly. Remember when Barbie used to eat like two bites of food and excuse herself to powder her face, so she could hurl in the bathroom? Well, that breathing apparatus now takes that vomit and injects it into her shoulder mounted boob cannons, powering the weapons. Hurl, retch, gag and pew pew pew. She also has spider legs.

Am I getting too into playing with this Cyborg Barbie action figure? What do you mean, it seems like I’ve played with Barbie before? No, I am not enjoying myself! Look, if I accidentally have played with Barbie in the past, it’s only because my family was poor and couldn’t afford a Bionic Woman doll. Why is that funny? Jamie Summers kicked ass! I- I- I don’t have to explain myself to you.