fang bangerThis little gem is titled “Monster (Scary) Head – Sculpture”. It is neither a head, nor a sculpture. It barely even qualifies as a monster. It’s a rain boot with Grandpa Munster’s dentures polygripped to the underside. I call it a Fang Banger. Hey, where’d you get those Fang Bangers? Mine are like 2 years old and have all kinds of cavities.

The idea is that you can put your hand up it’s wazoo and manipulate it like a puppet that is all fangs, gums with googly eyes. I can do this with my own rain boot in like 5 minutes. And there is only one! Note to Etsy seller IcARTus, even if your potential goth, tween, emo, Twilight, “daddy give me money now: I hate you” buyer wanted to buy this, THEY HAVE TWO FEET! AND TWO HANDS!
fang banger
$350. American dollars? For one Fang Banger? I can buy a pair at the mall for like $75. Well, I can once the idea of selling shoes in pairs really takes off. I’m actually surprised that no one has thought of that.

So, for $75 dollars goth kids will be able to wear their Fang Bangers everywhere and impress the crow makeup off of each other until they suddenly lift their raven haired heads and notice that all they’ve been doing is aerating the soil at the local mall and tearing up the asphalt. That’s how you start the Fang Banger trend from beginning to end. You offer a pair. For less money. I hope you are paying attention.