glue monsterYou’ve seen the haunted dolls, haunted mirrors, haunted clothing and haunted dybuk boxes, but I bet you haven’t seen haunted glue…let alone, haunted glue that has been sculpted by lord Satan’s own hands. (or would that be by his hooves?) It appears to us that this seller has been sniffing too much glue and seeing trippy things…but don’t let our expert yet jaded opinion get in the way of your investigations into the case of “The Mysterious Demon Glue”.

glue monsterAccording to Ebay seller darkraigiratina ,” What was normally a normal bottle of gorilla glue, was soon invested with an embodiment of Satan himself. After the glue SUDDENLY dried up on the INSIDE, I began to cut the bottle open to find out what caused such a strange phenomenon. That’s when IT happened. Whispers began to play in my head and I soon lost consciousness. I then dreamed of a world filled with the agonizing screams of innocent people from the Salem Witch Trials. I knew that because one of them told me so. Soon enough I woke up and found this eruption coming out of the bottle with what seemed like steam, as if it was boiling on the inside. It then hardened and formed this demonic sculpture. If you look at it just right, you can see what appears to be the horns of a demon. Soon after this strange event, things started to happen in my life. My four cats died, all of them ran over in front of my house, by the same driver. Soon afterwards, my girlfriend’s cat died from pancreatic cancer. Then my neighbor’s dog ate a cat. I then began to hear whispers everywhere I went, and I could never shake the feeling of being watched. I think it’s time to move on though, and try getting rid of this thing since I’m now developing a case of hemorrhoids. Happy bidding!”

glue monsterOh my…so let’s get the facts straight- The seller cut open the dried up gorilla glue bottle and most likely took a gigantic whiff, started tripping balls and had some kind of bad trip about the Salem witches. Once the seller sobered up a bit, they thought that Satan had been busy experimenting with a new sticky crafting medium, when they took a look at how the glue had spewed all over the place. After freaking out about the Devil’s poor crafting skills for awhile, a moment of marketing brilliance overcame them and they thought,” Hey, the suckers on Ebay will buy this ugly dried up glue thing…especially if I tell them a really tall, demonic tale along with it, making sure to add extra spicy stuff, like cats dying…ooooh I could say that a dog ate a cat…and cats got run over…why not ALL of my cats got run over-yeah! People love cats and that will make them feel all sad and sorry for me and they will bid lots of $$$! Oh, and the piece de resistance, gotta tell them about my hemorrhoid…I bet I’ll get an extra hundred just for that. Bidders love a pity party”

Too bad nobody bid. Maybe it was the bit about the cats that scared them away. Next time they relist it, they should just stick to the devil part of the story.