https://www.etsy.com/listing/154824009/weird-scary-characterAt first I thought this a was still image pitch for the next Indiana Jones movie that Steven Spielberg had sent George Lucas, during a drunken weekend of money counting and laughing, then crying and laughing again, between drunk dialing all of the Goonies. Nope. This is…just something somebody “threw up” on Etsy.

I think I was right about the drunk weekend part though. Someone, and I’m not pointing any fingers here, but you can find them at this handy link, had one of those little posable mannequins lying around. Because, why not? C’mon you can glue stuff to it. And do other Etsy stuff too.

So I can only imagine that, bourbon in hand, maybe a smoke in the other, the seller got to work early one weekday in the A.M. and heated up the old glue gun. Because that’s when the kids and hubby are away and THAT is when the Etsy mice play. A gravelly nicotine addled voice says, “Time to rock!” as the garage door goes down, mirroring on the outside, the descent into darkness that is about to take place on the other.

Now a psychologist might look at this creepery and say “Dear God. Are they medicated? I suggest a tactical house call to bring this one in. Grab your gear gentlemen! And you had better pray to God that she doesn’t have a bedazzler! We may still be able to contain this.” But I just say it’s a bit of drunken fun. Just making a weird monster. I’ll just put a satan head here, a snake on his arm so he can kill with a pinch…I have this fly laying around….Now if I can just make it look like he ripped a doll’s spine out. There we go.

The creator wakes up from her stupor some hours later. She looks proudly upon her creation. Another winner. Now it just needs the Terminator and Indiana Jones sticking a rod up it’s bunghole.