Skull Heelless WedgesThese $150. “Purgatory” Skull Heelless Wedges are named all wrong. They are clearly from Hell and forged from the souls of one hundred tormented shoe designers. You will be hell on heels, that’s for sure. Oh wait. No heels here.

Is this what’s hot this summer? Women are already taller than me when they wear platform shoes. Now, they are gonna be taller than me and look like a friggin’ demon.

Oh hello, I hate blind dates, what are you looking for in a man?*looks up at the goth Amazon princess. And up. And up. Neck hurts. Ow!*

*Eyes rolling back in her head. Voice like Barry White talking through James Earl Jones.* A virgin that can be kicked about the scrotum with skull wedges and then sacrificed to appease my ancient lord.

Well, that sounds like me. And since no one is raising their hands to make love to me real quick-like(I asked), I’m out!

Get the check b*tch. I’ll leave a tip: A virgin will easily outrun you in Skull wedges! Ha ha! I live to be celibate another day! Not much of a victory, but whatevs!

Skull Heelless Wedges

Skull Heelless Wedges