giant rubber ballI just caught my cat pawing at my keyboard and shopping on Ebay. You’d think that I would learn to lock my computer after the $2,000 Fancy Feast incident of 2009, but nope. Now she’s eyeing this huge ass ball of rubber bands for $2,999.00, so she can bat it around the house and set up a trap to make me run like Indiana Jones outrunning the giant boulder.

Why does she do this to me? We have good times. Share lots of jokes. Just the other day she was looking at me all sad when an IAMS cat food commercial came on the TV. “I want IAMS”, she meowed.(Like your cat doesn’t talk) To which I replied, “IAMS? IAMS not buying that for you!” Then I laughed super hard and she “accidentally” scratched my face for half an hour. Also peed in a bowl of corn flakes I left unattended for like 10 seconds. But that’s just because she’s getting old and senile. Right? Right?

Damnit, I guess I’m buying a huge ass rubber band ball. I don’t want to find a beautifully plated turd next to a sausage again. Cats are f**king expensive!