Neanderthal Caveman Family CostumeYabba Dabba Doooooo! You and your family can be a Neanderthal family this Halloween. Etsy seller Becozy has everything you need for just $65. She is even offering to throw in some scraps of loincloth to cover your baby carrier or stroller.

Nah. I prefer to cloth my family in the skin of my own kills. Which is probably why we all walk around half naked. Animals are just too fast and I’m too flabby. They always seem to hear the old Walmart scooter coming. I eventually lose my prey after stalking it through one aisle and then I get all out of breath from hitting the brake lever. That’s what I call a full day. Oh wait. That’s shopping. Not hunting and gathering.

I lied. I’m not part of the Walmart biker gang, “Hell’s (very large and slow) Angels”, but if I keep eating cheetos and playing video games I’ll get there eventually.