alien dollHoly f**king space invaders! This Preemie alien doll is ready to be adopted by you, should you desire a life of backdoor probing everytime you piss off this kid. Then there’s the whole waking up to find a cattle mutilation scene in your living room. Now you gotta pay for the neighbors cow and clean up all of the blood that little Dexter got all over the carpet. AND dispose of 1/3 of the cow body. You don’t want to know what he did with the rest.

alien doll
Holy crap on a cracker, this thing is disturbing! It’s their master plan. Getting into our homes with their young, where they are free to abduct us anytime they want. I mean if you want to wake up from a sound sleep and find daddy’s little creeper just staring at you from the edge of the bed with those hypnotic cosmic eyes, only to telepathically tell you that he sh*t himself, be my guest. Just be aware that alien poop is highly corrosive and you are going to need some chain mail huggies reinforced with steel.
alien doll
This little backdoor prober is actually as cute as he is creepy. He kind of looks like Roger from Family Guy. In some poses he looks like Admiral Ackbar too. “It’s a Crap!…Daddy!” His head is all veiny and full of psychic powers. Like commanding gerbils into it’s hungry mouth. Awww. Okay, he’s growing on me. Unless that’s the mind control.

The creepiest part of this whole alien plot to infiltrate our homes is the video here. This is a box packing video of one of the dolls that was sent to a new victim parent. That voice. Oh dear god. The soft laughter. This crazed seller is reveling in the fact that soon her minions will all be in place and then her plan for a Burning Man type mass abduction can begin. Oh that voice. Chills. “Hello everyoneeeeeeeeeeee”.

I’m out! Gotta go make a mash potato mountain in my room and chill.