Scorpion High Heel ShoeThis creepy-ass scorpion shoe would be perfect for a one-legged witch who lives in the desert. It has wheels in back to urge you forward faster and when it goes too fast that stinger slams down and is all like “Slow down biatch, cause I just poisoned your sorry skank ass. By the way, your feet is stinky as an old cheese slice in a welfare fridge.” Because that’s how Scorpions talk.

I would wear them if it was a pair. There’s nothing more awesome than a scorpion shoe. I would be a cowboy known as the Scorpion kid and whenever I would get into a fight, I would kick the guy in the balls AND have a Scorpion sting him. That rocks. Scorpion death kick of vengeance!

P.S. The seller’s spelling is horrible. “Mexed media”? I think he meant “mixed media” because I don’t see a sombrero anywhere. He also calls it a “high heal” shoe. I think he meant “heel”. Just saying. Because I’m basically a jerk.