Since 1987, UFO Abduction Insurance has been helping people deal with the alien menace. You have insurance for your car and your house right? Might as well have some for Uranus! Myanus too for that matter. Let’s cover all of our butts with some alien insurance!
Posts Tagged alien abduction
This UFO Abducting A Cow Christmas Ornament with Light and Sound is going to abduct your Christmas and give it a thorough examination right up its chimney. It features lights, fiber optics, and a sound chip. The UFO lights up and makes a ray gun sound as it abducts that one Earthly beast. Sadly there’s no farmer to shoot his shotgun into the air and shake his fist, but I still think it’s cool.
A congressional candidate from Miami, Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, says she’s been aboard a spaceship crewed by aliens.
Three blond, big-bodied beings (Probably big-bootied too.) — two females, one male — visited her when she was 7 years old and have been communicating telepathically with her several times since. She is running for Congress currently. Probably because the aliens told her too. They like filling our government with their own people so they can further the alien agenda. Here are some of the things the aliens told her:
▪ There are 30,000 skulls — “different from humans” — in a cave in the Mediterranean island of Malta.
Good to know.
▪ The world’s “energy center” is in Africa.
Cool. We should totally tap that. I’d tap that real good.
▪ The Coral Castle, a limestone tourist attraction South Miami-Dade, is actually an ancient Egyptian pyramid.
Except it can’t be, because it’s in South Miami.
▪ “God is a universal energy.”
Cool. And religion is a universal remote.
via Miami Herald
Because it is never too early to teach your kids about the horror that is alien abduction, you can do so with this LEGO UFO Abduction Set. The focus of this set is to protect the farmer from being abducted by the alien UFO. As your child is building it you can talk with them about things like missing time, butt probing stuff, tractor beams and regression therapy. It should be a productive little project that you can both share in.
This is two videos of an alien abduction prank by some wannabe Steven Spielbergs. It’s not very well done. It doesn’t even happen like that in real life. Except for the guy being taken by the tractor beam. That happens all the time. But aliens don’t just scare the hell out of you and then laugh with you about it afterwards. Well, I mean, sometimes they do. Crazy bastards. Okay, I admit, I kinda miss those rectally obsessed freaks.
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