This Vampyres Tarot Card Deck is full of vampires. Apparently it’s made by vampires, for vampires. Which probably means that the death card is replaced by garlic. Use these as a tool to divine the future. If you are a creature of the night, use them to determine where your next meal is coming from and who it may be. I hope it’s not me. I eat garlic every night, just so you know. I also wear like ten crosses on me at all times and carry a stake. Wait, I spelled that wrong. I carry a steak. I’m always hungry.
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I hate it when zombies eat my cupcakes! This Cupcake Recipe book will allow me to fight back by giving me tips on defending my cupcakes from these undead hooligans. Wait. That’s not what this book is about. Is it? I guess not. Still, the A Zombie Ate My Cupcake Recipe Book will teach you how to bake all kinds of cool and fun zombie themed treats. But I’m not gonna bother, cuz a zombie would just steal mine. I know. I’ll just make extra! Wow, look at me problem solving like an adult. I’m adulting everyone! Look at me! I’m adulting! Now I’m gonna go color!
I don’t know about you, but my desk could use some organizing. I have a mess all over my desk. But that’s mostly cuz I pass out on it frequently. Then never clean up the bottles and broken glasses. Anywho, this Sugar Skull Leather Desk Organizer should at least help me wrangle my pens and pencils so I don’t poke an eye out when I go down for the count. Plus, when I wake up, I have a cool skull to look at. Maybe it will imprint on me and I’ll think it’s my mommy. We’ll find out when it arrives.
This Human Anatomy Shower Curtain will shower you with knowledge of the human body. See what I did there? Basically just undress your own anatomy from your clothing and stand there naked while learning about yourself. Then get in the shower and have some fun with yourself. And by that, I mean get clean. Get your mind out of the gutter. Now you know all there is to know about your body while showering, so if you poop or pee in there, you’ll know what’s going on inside as it’s happening. Not that I condone that.
The Grim Reaper Wine Glass Holder makes this dude a lot less scary. I had no idea he came bearing wine glasses. Now he doesn’t seem so bad. Hey buddy, what’s up? Set those glasses down and let’s drink. I’ll drink you under the table. No, I mean it. Get under the table. I’m hiding from everyone who says I have a drinking problem. Also, I keep a spare bottle of Pinot Noir duct taped under the table for emergencies. A few drinks will have you looking less grim. Ever think about re-branding yourself? I’m thinking “the Prim reaper”. Time to go all prim and proper. Clean yourself up. I’ll have my people call your people. I take 10%.