Uh… Is this what Amazon’s Alexa is? I had no idea. Do not want! Mike McGurrin created this virtual assistant that is now a virtual nightmare. It made me throw up in my mouth a little and I now need a change of pants. Want to know what the weather is like? Just ask this dead/undead skull. The worst part is not the voice. It’s how it moves while speaking. It needs to be killed with fire immediately.
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Posts Tagged amazon
Put your money where your mouth is, by putting your brains where your books are. These Human Head Bookends put their brains right up against your books. Too bad I still won’t remember what I just read. I have a photographic memory. I only remember stuff if I photograph it. *Picks up Polaroid of the inside of the refrigerator* Yep. I better get groceries.
The only downside is that the photo I thought was just a cool selfie of a handsome guy holding a camera, was actually a photo reminding me to get film. I couldn’t remember anything for like a month, which I spent in the fetal position crying. Until I found another selfie of me in the fetal position, with a note that said, “This has happened before, it will happen again. Man up biatch! Look in the cupboard.” And that’s where I found more film. Yay!
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You gotta keep strong in the joint, but enough about the family jewels! God, I crack me up. No, seriously, you have to be big and bag or else you are going to get a shiv in the kidney from that big guy who trades Wrigley’s Spearmint gum for secret meetings in the bathroom. Which only leads to needing more breath freshening gum. It’s a viscious circle of prison life.
If you don’t have smokes to trade for your safety, you have to be tough. You gotta have Convict Conditioning. And I ain’t talking shampoo with moisturizer in it.
Use this book to get a rock hard body and be buff and tough and gruff. Remember, the bigger the muscle, the smaller the shiv. Know what I’m sayin’? It’s all about using limited equipment to get the maximum workout, even in Maximum Security.