Want a tarot reading? *Looks at the Gothic Horror Tarot Card Deck* Hells no! But thanks anyway. That’s some terrifying tarot right there. It even has Cthulhu. I think I’ll just stick to playing hearts with the seniors on Sundays. Not that I do that. And they don’t know that I don’t do that cuz alzheimer’s. It’s a win/win really. Anyway, this should be called a scare-o deck cuz I’m scared.
Posts Tagged tarot card
Take it from me ladies, you are going to look smashing wearing these Tarot Card Pendants. I know cuz I read your fortune. You are also going to meet a tall, dark, handsome man. It’s probably that guy who checked you out earlier. He’s a keeper. But he will hog the blankets at night. And chew with his mouth open. I know, I know, I see a lot of useless stuff, but it’s all true cuz my imagination powers the cards and the crystal ball. Oh and he also will never cook for you or clean, but seriously, he’s the one. I promise. You won’t regret it.
I’m hoping if I put that out there, one of you will run into me and settle for me, so I have it made. Okay, so who is gonna be my sugar mama?
*Grabs my new Wooden Tarot Card Deck. Gets ready for my next customer to come in the shop.* Good day sir. Let us consult the cards and divine your future. Wanna cut the deck? I have a full house, how about you? Never mind, give me those back. *Shuffles like a madman* Hmmmm. This card is interesting.
Is it the death card?
Nope, Go fish! JK JK. No, it’s the fool card. Very appropriate since you paid like $200 for this session. Now shhhhhh. I’m concentrating. No. No. It’s gone now. Hmmmm. Did you recently come into some money recently?
Actually yes I-
Can you shut up? I’m trying to give you a reading here? Sheesh.
You will meet a tall and handsome stranger, but that’s just me. Congrats by the way. I hear I’m really awesome to be around. Hmmmm. This is very interesting. I see you in a relationship. I see a woman in a kitchen. This card says that she’s waiting.
That is my wife. She expects me home for dinner in an hour.
What is for dinner? Let me draw the card. Is it steak? Spare Ribs? Sueeee-wheat! I am starving! We’ll continue this over dinner.
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This is one beautiful Full Gothic Tarot Card Set that you can download and print out. Then you can open your own tarot card reading shop and I’ll drop by to be your first customer. Spoiler alert: The fool card is gonna come out and then you and I are gonna argue over which one of us it is.
Well, I don’t know, who’s the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him? I don’t have time for this foolishness. Oh yeah? Well make time cuz I booked a full reading! You mean you booked a fool reading! Yeah, that’s what I said- Why you-
Why do tarot card reading always end this way for me?
Etsy seller ContrivedtoCharm has some cool Leather Tarot Card Holders. That way you can keep your deck safe and organized. Reminds me of the only time I ever went to a psychic for a Tarot Card reading:
The death card. What does that mean?
Death! You idiot!
You mean someone in this room is gonna die?
I think we both know who.
Whatevs ya old crackpot! *Throws a tip on the table and heads for the door. Leaves and slams door. Hears a loud BOOOOOMMMMM! Opens door and peeks back in. Sees a pair of feet sticking out from underneath the piano that fell from the second floor.*
Holy Madame Cleo! She was right.
*Tiptoes around the wreckage to retrieve my tip.*
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