rattlesnake caneDamn son. If you need yourself a new pimp accessory(Cause you gotta look good when trickin’ out your hoes), this rattlesnake cane is perfect. It has an open mouth and the fangs are right there, ready to tear flesh when you get into a tussle with another pimp.

Hopefully they took the venom out of those fangs. I’m not sure how poisonous venom works(You don’t need much education to write for Creepbay), but if there is any venom left in those fangs, this cane may be the death of you. Allow me to set the scene:

Strolling down the sidewalk, twirling your awesome rattlesnake pimp cane, occasionally nodding to another seedy dude, one eye across the street making sure your top earner put some concealer on her herpes sores. Life is good, even if your cadillac is in the shop. So you start swaggering and adjusting your pimp hat and collar and twirl your snake cane one more time, when it’s fangs sink into your hand.

Your heart starts racing. You are sweating like a hoe who only made $20 on a $200 night and you’re twice as twitchy. Your vision gets blurry. Then as you clutch your heart and start to convulse, you say, “Tell my hoes…Tell ’em I love ’em. Even Skanky Cindy. They your hoes now.”

Then you die and go to hell, because that’s what happens to pimps.

So I really hope that there is no venom in this cane.

It’s a cautionary tale.