giant springWhat have we here? A giant spring? This is just what I need to complete my slinky themed bachelor pad. And just look at that image. Sex sells baby! Hey there doll, how about I spring forward and you fall back? You know what I’m sayin’?

giant spring
Hot damn, I have got to get me this huge ass spring. Case in point. Here we see people climbing in this thing. This guy, or gal, is all up in this spring’s bidness. It’s obviously a f**king Hawaiin Punch fruit blast up in that biznitch. You can tell by the blue spots on his or her pants that they are a Vulcan. Vulcan’s don’t get excited about anything, so you know this spring is f**king awesome. It takes a lot to get a Vulcan to play, especially while on their period. Blue period. Get it? That’s an artist joke. Yeah, I hear ya. Vulcan’s have green blood. Yeah, well it dries blue. Trust me, I’m a Star Trek nerd with 30 some years fandom and very little else under my belt.
giant spring
Back to the spring. Spring has sprung bitches and it is on Ebay. It is a super awesome amaze-balls adventure. Don’t blame me if you fail to bid.

Wait. It ended? That chick’s ass failed to sell it? In that case, I await the re-listing of this item along with my Vulcan friends.