book of yeezus
The Book of Yeezus is the bible, well, not the entire bible. Who has time for that? It is the book of Genesis, with “Kanye” or “Yeezus” in the place of the word God. “In the beginning Kanye created the heaven and the earth… And Kanye said, Let there be light: and there was light.”

Probably because Kim Kardashian moved her big fat mudflaps out from in front of the lamp. Damn, that badonkadonk could eclipse the twin suns of Tatooine. BUT it would need a landspeeder all to itself. Sadly, it would no longer speed. And it would really be stuck on land.

I would never read this book. I never read the first one, so I don’t know why I would read the reboot. You so silly Hollywood. Plus, I never read anything that isn’t in HD and doesn’t have explody stuff with guns that never hit other people. And I only put the subtitles on because mom’s trying to sleep and my step-dad for the week is all like, “Tell that nerd to lower the volume. It’s a basement, not a frat house. I can hear everything that goes on down there. Now let me rub this all over your sweet sexy body…”

*raises a cheeto to my mouth as I shudder/cry and watch the movie*

Dear Yeezus!