If you’ve never been one to go mainstream with just about anything, and like all of your stuff scary, this is the soap for you. I’m talking about Haunted Twins Soap. It’s a boy on one side and a girl on the other. The carving is either scary or beautiful depending on your point of view.
This soap will scare you as you lather up and it smells like clean cotton and mermaid tears. It will make your hand washing spooky.
NSFW Warning due to foul potty mouths.
I have no idea who Jerry Wells is. Maybe he’s the one who lives in the haunted house that looks like a double-wide trailer. Maybe he’s the neighbor that shows up to help them with their paranormal troubles. I have no clue. But this is his Youtube channel. Basically, a bunch of freaky stuff happens to this family of… (Be politically correct. Be politically correct…) crimson-necked Nascar attendees. They have some serious poltergeist activity that no doubt forces them to miss out on things like Walmart sales and buying Dale Earnhardt merch on QVC. Cuz this stuff is some dramatic activity. And it moves with them from place to place.
The first video starts off with papa bear enjoying a smoke and a mountain dew on his EZ chair, just chillin’ in front of his confederate flag drapery. Pretty soon, all hell breaks loose. And by hell, I mean bad acting. Here’s the first line of dialogue: “I’m so glad we went out and got this new camcorder…” Yeah. seems legit. It’s worth watching it all the way through. It’s like the Beverly Hillbillies lost all of their money and got ghost-rich up in this crib.
The ghost starts to mess with the piano at one point, but I’m guessing it was just a gerbil they stuck in there. Make your own follow up joke. At one point the dude reaches in the kitchen cabinet (Which is full of their best china…Red party cups) and grabs a plastic red party cup. Dude pours his coffee in, pops it in the microwave and wonders why the ghost messed with the microwave. This stuff is para-not-normal gold.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlEFd6Maogg
Click through for another vid of a kid’s birthday party where a ghost destroys the kitchen. Here are some highlights:
Kids are happy, despite the genetic chutes and ladders game taking place in that room. Candles are getting lit. They start singing happy birthday. Candles get blown out. Then at the 1:00 mark shizz gets real!
Read more “NSFW The Paranormal Life and Times Of Jerry Wells”
Is this Haunted English Bible really haunted? Put your hand on the bible and swear it! The seller of this bible claims that among other incidents, “The last time she was attacked, she was pulled by her hair and dragged down the stairs getting bruises all over her body,”
Okay so it sounds like they are dealing with the ghost of a horny caveman. The pulling by the hair is a dead giveaway. He was trying to pull her into his ghost cave and do some prehistoric porkin’. Some Neanderthal nasty. Some good old fashioned Flintstones f***ing! Naturally he would show her his cave paintings after. That’s only gentlemanly. How his spirit got attached to an English bible, I have no idea. Anyway, haunting solved!
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Check out this old 50s style doll on ebay. The seller thinks it’s haunted and that it’s a 3 foot tall demon baby:
Since I’ve had this doll in my house, I’ve felt very uncomfortable.
Are you sure that’s not gas. Cuz gas can do that. I have a terrible pain in my side right now that I know was caused by Taco Bell.
I bought this because I thought it was creepy…but I had no idea. The first night it was in my home I had a terrible dream of it walking with a stilt towards my room, and since then I’ve been experiencing extreme dread when I go anywhere near it.
Wait what? Walking with a stilt? Just one? So it was hopping on a stilt making a super loud racket? Are you sure it wasn’t a pogo stick? As for the extreme dread, you might want to consult your hairdresser. I don’t have dreads, but I hear they can be a pain. Maybe you just had too much cough syrup? It happens.
I’ve also heard screams coming from the room she’s in, and have had odd things happening around my home (objects will be moved, fire alarms going off, etc.). I feel that this doll is haunted, but I don’t have anywhere near enough experience to be able to tell anything about it. The only information I have is that I haven’t been able to get the name “Amy” out of my head, so I feel it could be related. Ultimately, I want this out of my home.
This happens to me too. It’s called “being drunk”. I’m kind of a pro athlete at it. The drink will wear off soon enough. Amy is probably the name of your drunk spirit animal. Mine’s name is Clarence. They should totally get together.
Read more “Haunted “Walking” Possessed Doll Named Amy”
For $160,000.00 you can buy Jimmy. A Spiritual friend. Well, I saved up my money and went for it. What the hell. No one else is playing D and D with me and discussing the finer points of Cheetos versus generic orange GMO sticks.
It went fine at first. I payed my money and just like in the picture, Jimmy swaggers into my house from some hyperspace orb streaming plain of existence. After he came through, he remained a creepy shadow. Dude is a jerk. Thought it was funny to stand over my bed at night and wake me up. Whatever. He just laughs in that trippy alien voice.
Came home from work one day and I catch him shadow-banging a half pound of ground beef. Dude claims it’s how he gets nutrients. Yeah? I guess that explains the hat made out of freaking sausage he wore for like a week straight, all sculpted on his head. I’m guessing he was courting the damn thing, because after about a week, he suddenly rips the thing off his head while we’re watching Netflix and stuffs it between the couch cushions, gets busy with it, has a smoke and wants me to clean it up.
I finally get Jimmy to eat like a human and guess what? They get diarrhea when they eat like that. So after coming home to “turd minefield”, last conflict of the great shadow war that is my life, I found some gypsies to work some voodoo and I sent Jimmy back where he came from, propelled by a swift kick in his shadow-ass. F U Jimmy.