This Realistic Tarantula Art Doll is an instant heart attack. It’s also a good way to ensure that your terrifying art doll gets flattened by my boot heel before I run off screaming and call the police, who will laugh at me just like last time. This is NOT an art doll. This is a nightmare. Remember, spiders are why flamethrowers were invented.
Oh, look. A bunch of creepy-ass moss people. These are Moss People Sculptures by Kim Simonsson. They are terrifying and I’m pretty sure they are born on the side of a tree before they start walking around the forest looking for people like you and me. Luckily I don’t walk in the forest. What am I, a hippie? I walk from the fridge back to the TV like a normal person.
When you can’t catch Bigfoot yourself, you buy this Faux Taxidermy Bigfoot. No one will ever know that you didn’t hunt him down. This guy looks like some kind of elder sasquatch who was on his last leg anyway. He would have been easy to kill. “When I was a kid….” Bang! Bagged me a Bigfoot. An old nasty smelly Bigfoot that was headed for retirement anyway. Not sure if I should be sad or happy with this on my wall.
Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight! Oh yeah. Look at these boneheaded kids just dancing the night away. They cray cray skeleton dolls. It’s all Saturday Night Dead up in here. I think she’s a flapper, but probably flapping her gums more than anything. He don’t care. He’s gettin some sweet bony love tonight. Some bone on bone action. Which is real actual grinding peeps. They get up and if there’s dust, you know they been at it all night.
If you don’t see the dentist you’ll be mourning your teeth in this way pretty often. I ain’t paying for that dude’s boat. This Real Human Tooth In Wooden Coffin Pendant is a great way to honor your fallen chompers. And that’s the tooth! The whole tooth! And nothing but the tooth! And a coffin of course.
