These “bad parenting” cards from Etsy seller DorkyDutch confuse me. Are they saying that my parents were terrible? Tell me something I don’t know. You know what they say, “Spare the rod, spoil the child”. My parents believed in, “Get the damn rod, junior’s acting up again. That’ll teach you to put the remote 2 inches off center”.

Dad was slightly OCD. Every time I screamed, he had to start over from the beginning and take a drink between each whack, while counting “One Mississippi, two Mississippi”, while blowing his nose. Good times. Dad was right, cuz I ain’t spoiled. Still sore 30 years later, with a permanent dent in my butt cheeks and emotionally scarred for life, but not spoiled.

Dad would love these cards. Maybe I’ll send him one for his birthday. It’s sure to bring back all kinds of warm and fuzzy memories. These cards offer questionable parenting scenes, like stitching your kids lips together if he snitches, or chopping his hands off if he steals. Thank God I turned out alright and so well adjusted.

Bad sock hand puppet. You ended the article before I was done. Time to face the stick. Stop squirming. One Mississippi…
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