Tag: vandalism

Minion Steals Piece Of This Guy’s Lawn

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Minion Steals Piece Of This Guy's Lawn
Effin Minions! You can’t trust ’em. These yellow bellied (And they really are) giggle boxes are showing up more and more in police reports around the nation. They will lie, cheat and steal until only they walk this earth. I hate them! And you should too. Here’s another pointless Minion crime. One Australian man with a meticulously groomed lawn saw something ‘despicable’ on his security camera. A six-foot-tall minion can be seen digging up a piece of his yard with a shovel and then scampering away. Minions are the scurge of this Earth. Much worse than the Chupacabra.

https://youtu.be/AmTL2KESVAc

Guy Blames Aliens For Crime Spree

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Guy Blames Aliens For Crime Spree
So this Wisconsin guy faces a bunch of charges after repeatedly vandalizing a home, cuz Aliens made him do it.

Over the last three weeks, Anouphong Inphachack allegedly defaced a residence in the city of Sheboygan on several occasions, doing things like smashing windows and spray painting on the side of the home. Inphachack says that these actions were orchestrated by aliens and that he is the victim of an ET virus. He says that the ‘DNA’ message on the side of the house was his way of calling attention to the fact that aliens have altered his genetic material to make him shorter.

“They are switching dimensions all the time. Setting people up for a bad time,” he told investigators, “I’m telling you the truth. The alien virus will evolve mankind.”

Hell, if I acted out every time aliens experimented on me, I’d never get out of jail. Dude needs to learn to live with a sore anus and being shorter. I suggest hemorrhoid cream and platform shoes.

via Sheboygan Press