Tag: walmart

Neanderthal Caveman Family Costume

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Neanderthal Caveman Family CostumeYabba Dabba Doooooo! You and your family can be a Neanderthal family this Halloween. Etsy seller Becozy has everything you need for just $65. She is even offering to throw in some scraps of loincloth to cover your baby carrier or stroller.

Nah. I prefer to cloth my family in the skin of my own kills. Which is probably why we all walk around half naked. Animals are just too fast and I’m too flabby. They always seem to hear the old Walmart scooter coming. I eventually lose my prey after stalking it through one aisle and then I get all out of breath from hitting the brake lever. That’s what I call a full day. Oh wait. That’s shopping. Not hunting and gathering.

I lied. I’m not part of the Walmart biker gang, “Hell’s (very large and slow) Angels”, but if I keep eating cheetos and playing video games I’ll get there eventually.

Sugar Bear From Honey Boo Boo Silicone Prosthetic Mask

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

sugar bearThis Sugar Bear mask is what every Honey Boo Boo cosplayer needs if they want to look like the redneck patriarch of the clan. Etsy seller PittawayArt (Sky Vega Special Effects Makeup)is offering this for $720.

It is pretty authentic right down to the balding head and vacant eyes. Eyes that seem to say “Get me a beer woman! Damn, but I like me a big woman!” Yet, this mask looks sad. There is a mama June mask at the second link to keep it company.

Confession time: I like me a big woman too. Just ordered this mask. If that face worked for Sugar Bear, it will work for me. If you need me I’ll be at Walmart where the prices are low and so are the standards of the ladies. Look for me in the mac and cheese isle, aka the chub hub.