exercise flash cards
Who needs a personal trainer when you have these Exercise Flash Cards? I had to fire mine because he kept hassling me. *Are you ready yet?* Nah, I need to study these flash cards some more. *What about now?* No, I’m still not as up to date as I would like to be on my Plank Leg Lifts and such. Lifts a cheeto to my mouth as I study the cards.

You sir are fired. I just realized that I don’t look anything like that guy on the cards. I think I got the wrong flashcards. Are there any that show fatsos, preferably with exercises that I can do one handed while my other hand feeds my pie-hole non-stop? No? Yeah, these aren’t gonna work. I need a workout tailored specifically to my lifestyle.