Basically the idea behind this Stink Yourself Slim is that you spray this stuff in your kitchen and it makes you not want to eat food. So you lose weight. Sounds legit. I was seriously looking into it, because as my wife said when I was reaching for one of those limited edition rubbermaid bins of Doritos with the prize inside, “I would call you a fat tubby bast**d, except you don’t fit in the tub. You disgust me!”

That was when she slapped my hand and experimented with her own kitchen spray, spraying me with a face full of mace!

“My eyes! My eyes!” I was wreathing around on the floor like a fat man breakdancing, eyes burning and crying. “Are the Doritos okay?” I tried to feel for them with my arm. “It burns! It stinks!”

“Then stink yourself thin you sorry man baby! And when you can see again, clean this lard lair up. Or I swear I will strangle you like the slug you are. Princess Leia style.”

Long story short, I didn’t eat all night. Sprays in the kitchen are the way to go.