This guy wants you to change his legal name for five years. For advertising purposes. I say you pay the $12,000. and just make him look ridiculous. Below are some ideas.
Douchey McPickle.
Jizzy Galespie.
Peacehands the hedgehog.
Cranky McSpanky
CrankyPants FannyItch
Dingle Cherry
Contance AmpleBum
Boba Zit
Crumpet Bumper
Dumpy Mumblesworth
Badbatch O. Donuts
Crackesreally Juicy
Feel free to come up with some good ones of your own in the comment section below.