Tag: why work when you can troll ebay

Spend A Night Getting Drunk With This Guy

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

hang out with drunk guy
For $500 you can spend a night on the town, getting drunk with this Darwin award winner. If you are in the Los Angeles area. He has a list of the fun stuff you will do together:

-Human Airplanes
-Human Pyramids
-Drink Beer next to Cars
-Get 86’d from a bar
-Beer Bongs
-Become Friends
-Keg Stands

Check out the last picture below and you’ll see that the “human pyramid” is actually some sort of demonic ritual, where they form some kind of Voltron beast to corner their prey. I have no idea what kind of dark magic is going on there, but the demon in back appears to be holding a dirty diaper in a bag.

So yeah, if hanging out with drunk and demonic forces is your idea of a fun time, go for it, but you and I both know that after he’s done using you in his dark rituals, he’s going to send you home with a free mullet and a peen drawn on your face in permanent marker too.
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I Like My AC With JC: Jesus Face In Rusty Air Conditioner

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Jesus face on air conditionerFind Jesus for $100. Can you spot him? Spoiler alert: It’s a lot simpler than that Where’s Waldo game, which I have yet to master. He’s right there! Using his Son of God powers to chill your air.

What Would Jesus Do? For a start, he would clean that yard. Maybe plant some flowers. Just because you found Jesus, that doesn’t mean that your neighbors want to look at a bunch of trash. Jesus may turn the other cheek, but not me. I expect an orderly yard if I’m going to make the pilgrimage all the way out to redneck-Nazareth to worship JC on the AC.

Say, if I buy this thing, can I get that weed whacker for $5?

More pics below.
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Turning Laundry Into Money: Levi’s Jeans Sculpture

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levis jeans artThis is a pile of dirty laundry turned into a Jeans sculpture by artist Chris Riggs. He basically stapled a bunch of Levi’s jeans onto a piece of wood so they could have a denim orgy and fetch $1,999. from some bidder who needs pants on their wall.

Big deal. My pants do this all the time. I take ’em off, throw ’em over a frame hanging on my wall and they either stick or they don’t. I don’t make a big deal about it and call it “art”. Some people. Actually they always stick. Then they get stiff and it’s impossible to tear them off. The mound sticks out like 2 feet now. I use the pockets as an organizer to hold pens and stuff. As you might have guessed, I don’t get much company.

Mirror With A Haunted Face

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haunted mirrorMirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? *Not you. You look like a fantasy troll who got into a car accident and then had botched reconstructive surgery. (Evil mirror laugh)* You see why I don’t have any mirrors in the house? *Smashes mirror(Because really, what’s another 7 years of this s**t?)*

Anyway, this haunted mirror on eBay has a super grumpy face. I’m calling him Grumpy Ghost, after the famous and grumpy internet cat, but I’m too lazy to make a funny image. The seller has a long and convoluted story(Of course) so I’ll just break it down for you below:
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Stop Trolling Me Bro: Troll Doll Paperweight

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

troll doll prisonYou remember these trolls right? These freaky looking dolls with magical rainbow afros were pretty popular in the 80s. I always thought that these little creepers should be locked up in some kind of Phantom Zone prison and jettisoned into the sun. Well, apparently Etsy seller ISpyPaperweights feels the same way. She has imprisoned some troll dolls inside of glass and turned them into paperweights.

Like a Troll Doll prison warden, you can now watch over these deadly and devious inmates, safe in the knowledge that your papers will stay put. Safe in the knowledge that at least a few of these monstrosities are off the streets.