Whoa! This Kraken Tentacle Cane is gonna make me one cool elder. Gonna buy it now and save it for when I get older. Any young whipper-snappers give me any guff and their gonna get it right in the lip. And by “it” I mean cold hard tentacles. Whack! Cuz old people can get away with that shizz. I’ll whack people left and right. What’d you say, son? Whack! I don’t like your tone. Whack! Gonna spend the whole day just whacking off.