Whoa! This Kraken Tentacle Cane is gonna make me one cool elder. Gonna buy it now and save it for when I get older. Any young whipper-snappers give me any guff and their gonna get it right in the lip. And by “it” I mean cold hard tentacles. Whack! Cuz old people can get away with that shizz. I’ll whack people left and right. What’d you say, son? Whack! I don’t like your tone. Whack! Gonna spend the whole day just whacking off.
Tag: tentacle
Octopus Tentacle iPad Tablet Stand
Tablets weren’t meant to stand upright by themselves. That’s why you need an octopus to lend a hand. I mean tentacle. This Octopus Tentacle iPad Tablet Stand is just as good as having a real octopus on standby. In fact, it’s better cuz it won’t shoot ink in your face and tell you to f**k off in Octopus language. It also won’t get slime all over every surface in your house. It also won’t move the tablet around and mess with you while you’re binge watching Glee. I don’t watch that. Just an example. And if I did, I certainly wouldn’t cry. Just sayin’.
Octopus Tentacle Handle Mug
Put your tentacles on this Octopus Tentacle Handle Mug and enjoy a good cup of joe.I don’t know who squeezed out Joe’s liquids and put them in this cup, but that’s a mystery for another day. These are perfect for the octopus lover, not that I condone that sort of thing. Not for me tough. I have an irrational fear of the octopus. I see one and I run away.Yet I’m obsessed with them at the same time. My therapist calls it obsessive com-puss-ive disorder. I’m afraid of the octopus and I’m also a puss. Anyway, enjoy your tentacled mug. Don’t you just want to touch that handle? I do and yet I HATE them. See? I got problems.
Iridescent Tentacle Sketchbook
Ohhhh so tenta-cool. This Iridescent Tentacle Sketchbook is so shiny and so tentacle-y. I would draw in this thing all day long. Draw a blank! Cuz I’m not really that creative. Just beware. The eye in the center sees everything. So, you know, turn it away when you touch your peen and stuff. Just a thoughtful tip.
Tentacle Hair Clips
Is that a tentacle bursting out of your skull or are you just happy to see me? Both? Fair enough. Mind if I ask what shampoo you use? Is it Head, Shoulders and Tentacles? That would explain it. No, I don’t see any dandruff. I’m assuming your tentacles would have brushed any flakes away by now. I’m guessing you don’t wear hats. Ohhhh. Tentacle Hair Clips. I get it. Great accessory. I-
What the- Have I been hitting on a goddamn mannequin all this time? Why didn’t you guys say anything? Now, I feel stupid. I just thought she never blinked and was really fascinated by the conversation. What really sucks is this is the second time this happened to me. So I’m calling this incident Mannequin 2: Electric Boogaloo.