Whoa! This Kraken Tentacle Cane is gonna make me one cool elder. Gonna buy it now and save it for when I get older. Any young whipper-snappers give me any guff and their gonna get it right in the lip. And by “it” I mean cold hard tentacles. Whack! Cuz old people can get away with that shizz. I’ll whack people left and right. What’d you say, son? Whack! I don’t like your tone. Whack! Gonna spend the whole day just whacking off.
Tag: cane
Crystal Human Skull With Moon Light Brain Walking Stick
This Crystal Human Skull With Moon Light Brain Walking Stick is the coolest cane ever. I’m thinking of whacking myself in the knee just so I can have a bum leg and officially use it. This might be the only cane with a brain of it’s own. And it glows like it is nuclear material. This cane has some serious grey matter. I can practically see the synapses firing. I wonder what he’s thinking. Probably that you are holding his head too tight and he has a headache.
Read more “Crystal Human Skull With Moon Light Brain Walking Stick”
Realistic Snake Canes
Mike Stinnett makes canes. Canes that look like snakes. I’m talking they look like they are gonna bite you. The level of realism in his work is incredible. This is the ultimate in walking accessories. It’s also the ultimate in accessories that will scare the hell out of people. I’m scared just looking at these canes. Pro tip: Never take your cane into the wilderness and set it down, cuz you know you’re gonna pick up a real snake by accident and get bit.
Elderly people like to beat others with canes. That’s just a fact.And it would be so much more satisfying to see someone get beat with a stiff snake. Maybe that’s just me.
Read more “Realistic Snake Canes”
Alien Walking Stick
Need a new walking stick? Try this Alien Walking Stick. Sounds like an insect that looks like an alien, but it is a walking stick that looks like a scary grey alien. Both are terrifying. Especially when you consider that old people like to hit young people with walking sticks. How would you like to get whacked in the face by this walking stick and then have an imprint of an alien on your face all day?
Hey, what happened to your face? Oh that? Helped an old lady across the street and into her UFO. She said I had seen too much and started whacking me. Laid there for about a half an hour after the thing took off, until some men in black arrived, took a blood sample, kicked me a few times and told me that I saw nothing and don’t talk about this EVER. I guess I just did.
Gonna end this here. Someone’s knocking on the door…This isn’t good.
Read more “Alien Walking Stick”
Ritual Turkey Head Staff from 1916
Hey Larpers and nerds of other stripes. Are you a Wizard in need of a staff? You could do far worse than to buy this Odd Fellows ritual turkey head staff. Now every spell you cast will be enchanted with the words “gobble gobble” and you will look like a pimp every Thanksgiving.
Also, at the end of the day, your hand might smell like a butterball. This is $740 of strange spell casting awesomeness.
Read more “Ritual Turkey Head Staff from 1916”