push pin earrings
Whoever invented these push pin earrings must have thought to themselves, “I use them to attach notes to my corkboard, but what I really want is to shove them in people’s ears!” Sounds legit to me.

*Heads over to my corkboard. Pierces my own ear with a push pin. Cries like a baby for 10 minutes* Hey honey, look at me. I got a cool push pin for an earring. All the cool kids are doing it.

*Wife grabs me by the ear and drags me back to the corkboard. Pins my ear to the corkboard. Ignores my screams as you stretches my other ear to the cork and attaches that one too.* “Idiot!” *Wife walks away.*

Honey, I’m stuck. The pain! The pain! Did you use super glue. Yep. I smell glue! Hey, I have to pee!