You might not know it, but I’m a Chess grandmaster. No, really. I paid a grand for that diploma and it says master. So I’m totally qualified to buy this Awesome Dragons Chess Set. Trust me, it’s impressive, cuz I’m not even qualified to buy a bicycle. According to that guy at Toys R Us anyway. First off, I am NOT too “big, fat and stupid” to ride that bike with the sweet Pokemon design. Second, that frame was snapped in half long before I sat on it. Third, why can’t I pay you in snack foods?

Anyway, here there be dragons! I’ll spend my money on that instead. I’m not too big and fat to break a chess board with mighty dragons on it! Although I did once sit on a checkers board and break it in half. It was Chinese checkers though, so I blame shoddy workmanship. Not my big fat ass.
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