Tag: neat

3-D Horror Houses

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https://www.etsy.com/shop/themoonlightmuse?ga_order=price_desc&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=spooky&ref=sr_gallery_36
These 3-D Horror Houses from themoonlightmuse are spooky as hell. They look just like the real houses. The Psycho house, the Adams family and more.

Like my house, they look fine from the outside, but inside? Inside of my house, blood drips down the wall, spirits talk to you and the tap water is all brown and nasty. The blood is because I like to throw tomato sauce against the wall, the spirits talking to you are just me trying to communicate over my 6 foot tall stacks of hoarded newspapers and the tap water only flows brown cuz I mixed up the pipes up when I fixed the crapper last week. See? There’s a reasonable explanation for everything.
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Awesome Dragons Chess Set

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Awesome Dragons Chess Set
You might not know it, but I’m a Chess grandmaster. No, really. I paid a grand for that diploma and it says master. So I’m totally qualified to buy this Awesome Dragons Chess Set. Trust me, it’s impressive, cuz I’m not even qualified to buy a bicycle. According to that guy at Toys R Us anyway. First off, I am NOT too “big, fat and stupid” to ride that bike with the sweet Pokemon design. Second, that frame was snapped in half long before I sat on it. Third, why can’t I pay you in snack foods?

Anyway, here there be dragons! I’ll spend my money on that instead. I’m not too big and fat to break a chess board with mighty dragons on it! Although I did once sit on a checkers board and break it in half. It was Chinese checkers though, so I blame shoddy workmanship. Not my big fat ass.
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Garbage Pail Kids Nail Decals

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Garbage Pail Kids Nail Decals
Garbage Pail Kids Nail Decals. Pretty cool. I have some names I just thought up. Manny Cure. Cutey Cull. Fungus Cyde. Heh. I got a million of ’em. But only ten nails. It’s like my daddy used to say, “You can’t build a house with only ten nails, but you can scratch your neighbor’s wife’s back and lay a good foundation.” I miss daddy. So wise. So horny. For the neighbor’s wife.

Anywho, now you can adopt some of these dumpster rugrats and put ’em right on your fingernails. Awesome. Another day, another blog post. Nailed it.
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This Magma Neckpiece Looks Lava-ly

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magna necklace
This Magma Neckpiece is hot. Scorching. Women look lava-ly in magma. You make me blow my top girl! Guys, do yourself a favor and buy this for your lady. Don’t be cheap like me. *Flashes back to two years ago*

……

What is my surprise?

Just keep your blindfold on. It’s almost ready.

I’m so excited. What is it?

Well, you remember how you wanted that magma neckpiece? I made you one myself. Open your eyes.

Uh…This is like a drippy plastic melted candle…

Yeah, I opened a couple of lava lamps and dumped it on a mannequin head. Then cut the head off to make the hole. You’re welcome.

It feels hot still. Why is my shirt smoking.

Why indeed? Where did it pick up that habit? From a nun? Heh. I crack myself- Ow! I’ll grab the fire extinguisher.

Notebook Paper Necktie. College Ruled.

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Notebook Paper Necktie. College Ruled.
Sweet! A Notebook Paper Necktie. I don’t wear a tie, mostly because no one would hire me and even if they did, I would only use it as a napkin at lunch, then lick the stains off like a cat. If I knew how to tie one, which I don’t. But it would be so sweet to wear this with a grocery list on it or instructions on how to tie it.

Maybe write that 100 word piece of fan-fiction I’ve been meaning to write. Pikachu and Darth Vader ain’t gonna romance themselves, while Rainbow Dash looks on with tears.