These Adidas Tiger Tail Sneakers will finally let me live out my dream of catching a tiger by the tail. You do that with a real tiger and the tiger catches you by the hand and leaves ya with a bloody stump. Sadly, they aren’t my size. They’re for kids, who get all of the cool stuff. It really bums me out too, cuz my dream was to wear them while eating some Frosted Flakes. Mom would ask me if I liked my new shoes and I would shove my spoon hand in the air and yell, “THEY’RE GREAT!” then act like it never happened.
Oh well, you can’t live out all of your dreams. I feel like I’ve already accomplished a lot just by rising to the heights of “professional fat nerd blogger in underwear”. Wasn’t easy to get here either. Had to make a lot of sacrifices, like friends, love, thinness… Yeah, that’s why. Just leave it okay! I don’t want to talk about it. It IS NOT the Oreos! Anyway, a tiger doesn’t change his stripes. Well, not unless he has some spray paint.
