Tag: kids

Shrek Pooping Toothpaste Topper – Holy Shrek

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Shrek Pooping Toothpaste Topper - Holy Shrek
This Shrek pooping toothpaste topper will make your dreams come true. If you’ve ever wanted to watch Shrek take a dump anyway. That’s probably more of us than are willing to admit it. Come on, there’s nothing like taking a good Shrek. And that’s no Bull-Shrek. Now you and your kids can enjoy the big green guy as he squeezes some soft serve from his sensitive cheeks. Right onto your toothbrush. It looks like the big green guy has been drinking a lot of milk. Or something white. That can’t be good. If that happens you see a doctor. You see parents, this is how you get your kids to brush their teeth. It’s gross and fun. That’s a combination that kids love. They will be making fart sounds as it comes out. Haha. Look mom, he just sh*t himself. That’s cool son. Now get that gooey butt paste into your mouth and brush ’em. I bought your dentist a new Porsche last month and now he’s eyeing up a boat. So Shrek better be pooping 3 times a day.

That’s a good goal for all of us honestly. It reminds me of this crazy goblin made from assorted junk.

Don’t Eat Me, Chupacabra!

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Don't Eat Me, Chupacabra!
What child doesn’t like a book about monsters that like to eat their favorite little farm animals? Yeah, no nightmares here! Don’t Eat Me, Chupacabra! is a must-have for your bedtime story collection. This book is about a monster that only likes to eat goats and throws a tantrum when others offer him another delectable treat. What a diva! Set in Puerto Rico, the one positive part of the book is that the words are written in English and then again in Spanish, to help children learn how to say “I want goats!” in two languages. Great skill to have.

This board book is 30 pages long (this gives plenty of time for the monster to throw a complete fit) and is part of an entire collector set. Other titles in the set, certain to give nightmares, includes: Goodnight Krampus, Get Dressed Sasquatch, and others.

Children’s Crypto Critters Art Prints

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Children's Crypto Critters Art Prints
Kids nowadays are so clever, they want “real art” on their walls. None of that poorly drawn, minimalistic stick figure nonsense anymore. That kind of art may have been okay back then but it just doesn’t make the cut these days. You know what else they want? Cryptids. Kids can’t get enough of those crazy cryptids. These Crypto Critters art prints will help quench their thirst for the finer things in life if you hang it up the classroom, play area, or nursery. It also might teach them how to identify monsters that lurk in the world. It features pictures of popular characters like the Mothman, Eddy the Yeti, Skeet the Sasquatch, Nessie the Loch Monster, and Marlowe the mermaid.

If you’re looking for high-quality décor for your child’s wall, this is it. A good combination of adorable graphics and good color work.

Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds
Make the walking dead the freezing dead with these Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds. Look, zombies want to eat you, so I say we eat them first. Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck! Heh. That’s my new insult. If someone says something I don’t like, I’m yelling, “Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck!” I’m hoping it really takes off and becomes something New Yorkers yell at each other every day.

Seriously though, these Popsicle molds are awesome. I’m gonna go make some delicious zombie treats now. Don’t let the door hit you… You shut up! You shut it right now! Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck!

H.P. Lovecraft’s the Call of Cthulhu for Beginning Readers

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H.P. Lovecraft's the Call of Cthulhu for Beginning Readers
It’s never too early to introduce your kids to unimaginable horrors. H.P. Lovecraft’s the Call of Cthulhu for Beginning Readers will give you a hand with that. The Call of Cthulhu is now a children’s book. Dr. Seuss style. Buy one for all of the children that you know so they can be prepared for the horrors of the world.

When your child grows up and hears the call of Cthulhu, will they answer? I just let it go to voicemail myself.