Happy birthday Jesus. I got you this Jesus Sweater. But you already knew that. Yeah, I know it’s a little early, but I wanted to get this out of the way so I can celebrate Christmas with Santa. Dude gives me all the cool presents. You know how it is. We cool? Aight! Catch ya on the flip side. No, don’t worry ’bout it. Ain’t no bother for the holy father.

*Lightning flashes down and I evaporate into a pile of ash.*