squirrel lawn chair
At first I was like, “Make yourself at home Mr. Squirrel, pull up a Squirrel Chair and stay awhile.” Then later I was like “WTF, I spend half my time cleaning up squirrel s**t.” I thought I was the only mammal who sat in a chair all day eating and s**tting. What’s the word for that again? Oh yeah, a blogger.

So anyway I got tired of cleaning up Squirrel crap and tore the chair off the tree. I threw it in the trash along with some Hot Wheels cars and some computer parts. Two weeks later I hear a computer modulated Squirrel voice and look outside to see “Squirrel Hawking” rolling along in his robotic wheelchair, nibbling on some nuts and trying to work out some equations that prove black holes are nature’s unbleached anus. Last I heard he was teaching at Harvard. Working for peanuts. Obviously. He’s not stupid. Money is useless to a squirrel.