At first I was like, “Make yourself at home Mr. Squirrel, pull up a Squirrel Chair and stay awhile.” Then later I was like “WTF, I spend half my time cleaning up squirrel s**t.” I thought I was the only mammal who sat in a chair all day eating and s**tting. What’s the word for that again? Oh yeah, a blogger.
So anyway I got tired of cleaning up Squirrel crap and tore the chair off the tree. I threw it in the trash along with some Hot Wheels cars and some computer parts. Two weeks later I hear a computer modulated Squirrel voice and look outside to see “Squirrel Hawking” rolling along in his robotic wheelchair, nibbling on some nuts and trying to work out some equations that prove black holes are nature’s unbleached anus. Last I heard he was teaching at Harvard. Working for peanuts. Obviously. He’s not stupid. Money is useless to a squirrel.
You want to be in the Bird watching hall of fame? Are you a bird watcher who is near sighted? Do you have what it takes to sit calmly and quietly and wait for your prey to land right in front of your face? Only to fly away because of your horrible garlic breath? Yeah, that garlic bread was not a good idea. If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need this