Nothing says Christmas like a dead squirrel head wearing a Santa hat. This Taxidermy Squirrel Santa Claus Christmas Ornament will make sure that you have a very merry rodent filled Christmas. He doesn’t even have a neck. Dude is just all head and all hat. Like a floating ghost in search of nuts that he will never find. Well, unless you hang him on your tree at crotch level and lean in too close. Then it’s all screaming and blood dripping on the presents below.
Tag: squirrel
Squirrel In Underpants Ornament
I see London, I see France, I see a Squirrel In Underpants. And some things you can’t un-see. You would be nuts not to have this Squirrel In Underpants Ornament on your Christmas tree. Are you looking for nuts, Squirrel? Check that elastic waistband and I bet you find two. This guy looks pretty happy to just be chillin’ in his briefs. Chillin’ on your tree. Occasionally scratchin’ himself in his underwear. Actin’ all Squirrelly.
This ornament is for my kind of Christmas. I would be sitting in my chair in my underwear, staring at him. He would be in his underwear staring at me from the tree. Then the guy in his underwear outside would be staring at us both- What the hell? Who invited that guy?
Anywho, animals in underwear are better than animals bare. That’s what I always say. Which is why I like to venture into the forest and underwear all the critters at night.
Squirrel In Underpants Air Freshener
Oh nuts. I’ll keep this brief. Ha. Get it? If we have Squirrel In Underpants Air Fresheners, do you think squirrels have human in underpants air fresheners? At least this air freshener will smell better than your average squirrel. There’s that.
The squirrels around my area are more the boxer type. They don’t like briefs. Hey, boxers or briefs, what does it matter as long as you have a place to store your nuts? Am I right guys?
Squirrel Chair: A Chair For Squirrels
At first I was like, “Make yourself at home Mr. Squirrel, pull up a Squirrel Chair and stay awhile.” Then later I was like “WTF, I spend half my time cleaning up squirrel s**t.” I thought I was the only mammal who sat in a chair all day eating and s**tting. What’s the word for that again? Oh yeah, a blogger.
So anyway I got tired of cleaning up Squirrel crap and tore the chair off the tree. I threw it in the trash along with some Hot Wheels cars and some computer parts. Two weeks later I hear a computer modulated Squirrel voice and look outside to see “Squirrel Hawking” rolling along in his robotic wheelchair, nibbling on some nuts and trying to work out some equations that prove black holes are nature’s unbleached anus. Last I heard he was teaching at Harvard. Working for peanuts. Obviously. He’s not stupid. Money is useless to a squirrel.
Art Painted By A Squirrel
This is a supposed painting by a squirrel name Winklehimer. You can check out a video here, but you won’t see it paint a picture. You’ll just see a squirrel nibble on the end of a brush while it’s desperate human tries to cash in on the fact that it can “paint”. I hate to prolong her 15 minutes of fame, but credit where credit is due: It’s better than I can do.
My wife gets me to paint in the same way. She puts a twinkie on the end of the brush and holds a paper up to the brush end while I nibble away. No way I’m letting her profit off my art though. That’s why all my art says, “Get more twinkies!” in bold brushstrokes.
Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach…A squirrel to not do art.
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