Tag: kitteh

Large Black Velvet Cat Cleaning Itself Plush Sculpture

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

cat cleaning itself plushI should get this weird cat cleaning itself plush sculpture to show my cat how messed up she looks when she is doing kitty yoga and licking herself all over like she’s a friggin’ ice cream cone. It’s just rude. You don’t see me lifting my leg up and licking my flabby nerd body in front of company. No. I wait until I’m alone to do that stuff because I know it’s f***ing weird.

This thing is 16 inches tall and looking pretty creepy with no damn eyes at all. No way I would let this in my house. This cat’s ready to give himself more licks than the Tootsie Pop owl and will probably finish off with a great big bite too.

Click through for more pics, including one where this cat is doing his thing outside for the neighbors to see. No damn shame!
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Trick Your Cat With The Cat Lap

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

cat lapI look so damn good in my new pants. So nice and clean. Man, check out my sweet man-butt. I’ll just sit down and relax for a minute. Kitty, no! No, kitty! That’s a bad kitty. Now I look like Chewbacca.

Yep. I’ve been there and you’ve been there. Cats just don’t give a f***. They are the creatures that invented the lap dance. They don’t even ask for cash or get some guy to hit you when you touch them. But they do leave hair all over your clothes.

That’s why I’m using one of these decoy cat laps with the crazy mom jeans. Let my cat get all up in that lap and leave it’s atomic hairballs behind. The lap is the only part of you they want anyway.
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