This is a video of russian portable toilets, so hungry for poo and pee that they are chasing people in central Moscow. Serious end-times stuff. I’m pretty sure that Nostradamus predicted this. These fast-moving blue port-a-potties can be seen sliding across Red Square, ironically not leaving skid marks anywhere. Not sure if these toilets actually scooped anyone up to forcibly evacuate their bowels or not, but they were in a real Russia. Ha ha. That counts as toilet humor right?
This is some whacked shizz right here. This thing looks like I feel after a hard night of nothing but Cheetos and alcohol. Residents of Lady Frere, S. Africa, blame bestiality and witchcraft,which is what I always blame too. A sheep gave birth to this thing and all of the villagers are pretty upset. Pitchforks and torches are selling like hot cakes. Also hot cakes are selling like hot cakes, cuz they are delicious. It looks like it is half man, half sheep, all pudge. I thought it was a new Pokemon at first from a new game called Pokemon NO. You can check out more pics of this half human half beast at the link below cuz I can’t look any more.
This is the New Hampshire vampire that allegedly assaulted a grocery store employee a few days ago. As you can see, the police must have filed down his fangs before the picture. Police violence man! #VampTeethMatter So basically a female employee was taking boxes out to the dumpster when the vampire approached her asking if she needed help. No word on if he had a Transylvania accent or if he just sounded as wasted as he looks. Then he broke every rule of being a vampire and hunting for your prey: He told her he was a vampire and began running towards her. Did he hiss and raise a cape to his face? We have no idea, thanks to shoddy journalism.
So the woman ran inside the store yelling for help as the vampire yelled, “just touch me, I can save you.” Then he wrapped his arms around her and she fell to the ground. That’s how you know this story is true. He used his powers to apparently put her to sleep. Then he attacked another employee who tried to fight him off and the dude probably lifted a cross and prayed for Jesus to deliver him from the clutches of this fearsome meth-pire.
When they arrested the vampire, he tried to glamor their asses, telling the officer that he was a “vampire, ghost rider, Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid, and a leader of a band.” Assuming that his true identity as Captain Meth from planet WhereTheFugAmI was now safely protected, he went off to jail, where he presumably sits in the corner mumbling and building a nest out of toilet paper, as he slowly wets a piece in his mouth and builds. Wet and build. Wet and build.
