What the shizz?!!? Uh… You ugly. These Disturbies Horror Dolls are well named. Everything about ’em is disturbing. Look at that smile? What the hell he just eat that’s dripping all out his nasty mouth? Dude is like a fetus with a 50-year-old’s hair too. How? Why? Oh, I see. The seller says it is “born from flesh, blood, pus, spunk, and everything wrong. For you to love and cherish. Forever.”
Yeah, that clears it all up. That is one creepy doll.
This Mutant Martini Glass will leave you shaken AND stirred. Would you like a drink? Uhhhhh. Well, I- I just remembered I don’t drink alcohol. Those better be olives and not eyes in that drink. Martini or Mutant-tini? This seller has many other horrifying drinking vessels as well. They are terrifying enough to make you swear off alcohol. It’s true. I do nothing but swear at my drinks now. F**k off Martini!
Kewpie dolls want to get in on that sweet human centipede action, so… This exists. The Kewpede. Half centipede half kewpie doll. All nightmare fuel. Kewpede, kewpede, it’s such a wonderful toy. Kewpede, Kewpede. It’s fun for a girl and a boy.
Yeah, so that happened. Look at those eyelashes and all those legs. What a cutie.
Well here’s a disgusting specimen wth a face that only a mother could love. A sick mother***** that is. He’s all toothy with bloodshot eyes. I especially dig the bubbles on the tongue. I didn’t graduate med school, but I’m pretty sure he has the herp. Mutations are in fashion this year. This horror pendant goes with everything.
This Maggot Baby Necklace is a terrifying accessory. He just hangs there looking gross and even has like a stone third eye so it can hypnotize you with a disturbing lullaby, then crawl all over you leaving a slimy trail in its wake. I’ll take two. I wrote a poem about it.
Tag it, bag it,
Hurry up and snag it.
I just bought a maggot.
Better than Bob Saget.
Austin Powers wanna shag it.
Thank you. Thank you. My 3rd-grade education is really paying off.