crucifix heels
Get thee behind me Satan! What the hell does that even mean? Oh, I get it. These Crucifix high heels(Technically they don’t have heels) have crosses on the back, so if Satan is behind you and the size of a dwarf, he’s totally toast. Man, dressing for church used to be so much easier back before they required you to wear crucifix shoes.

Not that I know anything about church. The last time I entered the place, I started burning and hissing and speaking in tongues. That STD just hurt like hell. I was all like, Quit hitting me with that holy water! Then I was all like, Wait! Try it on my pee-pee Padre. Oh, that’s better. So soothing and mentholated. I knew that chick was trouble when- There she is in the first row!

That’s my daughter!

Congratulations. That’s my peen’s worst nightmare. I’m off to see the wizard. And by wizard I mean a pee-pee specialist.