Don’t Eat Me, Chupacabra!

Don't Eat Me, Chupacabra!
What child doesn’t like a book about monsters that like to eat their favorite little farm animals? Yeah, no nightmares here! Don’t Eat Me, Chupacabra! is a must-have for your bedtime story collection. This book is about a monster that only likes to eat goats and throws a tantrum when others offer him another delectable treat. What a diva! Set in Puerto Rico, the one positive part of the book is that the words are written in English and then again in Spanish, to help children learn how to say “I want goats!” in two languages. Great skill to have.

This board book is 30 pages long (this gives plenty of time for the monster to throw a complete fit) and is part of an entire collector set. Other titles in the set, certain to give nightmares, includes: Goodnight Krampus, Get Dressed Sasquatch, and others.

Petrifying Parody Books – Goodnight Goon

Petrifying Parody Books - Goodnight Goon
These Petrifying Parody Books are parodies of popular bedtime story books that have a dark and creepy twist. Cuz it’s never too early to get your kids into monsters and horror. You can choose from classics like Goodnight Goon and The Runaway Mummy. Kids are going to love these. Parents will love them. There’s nothing wrong with a little walk on the dark side before bed.

Children’s Book: The Night Dad Went to Jail

The Night Dad Went to Jail
Now you can explain to your children why daddy went to jail. Next you can explain why he is a dirtbag, followed by why he never paid child support. It’s probably too late to get the book explaining why daddy didn’t wear a condom.
Anyway, you have to love some of the Amazon reviews on this children’s book:

Simple explanations…works well with children. It helps tremendously in explaining and helping children to understand. I will use it over and over…

WTF? How many times are you expecting that loser to get locked up? This next review sums it up nicely.

Can someone tell me why I would want to buy this for my child if it were true? How about retitling it “Daddy is a dirt bag loser and he’s never allowed to be around you ever again”! I can’t believe someone actually thought this was a good idea. It’s no wonder our society is declining so rapidly and there are no morals, ethics, humanity, or taking responsibility for one’s actions. Books like this definitely do not help the societal crisis we’re experiencing these days!

Amen brotha! Gotta go now. It’s visiting day at the joint and I’m supposed to deliver a two word message from my mom to my dad. How do you say F U nicely? She would tell him herself, but she lost visiting privileges with that whole shiv in a cake incident.