I used to be the king of Five Finger Fillet back in the days when I had five fingers. Scratch that! I’m still the king baby! You don’t have to worry about slicing fingers that aren’t there. All hail the king minions! Give me five! I mean slap me two. Spot me one! Played again and now there’s none!
Imma get this Five Finger Fillet Pen Holder so I can relive the glory days of spurting blood and screaming like a baby. It comes with it’s own custom pens and basically looks like a liquid metal Terminator hand stabbing itself.
Normally grains of sand fall in an hourglass and it usually takes about an hour. See ma, I am too smart. The Awaglass however, is some kind of strange wizard magic. It has hypnotic soapy bubbles that rise up instead of down. I’m like a level 8 sorcerer in D and D and even I don’t know how to do this. But I’m gonna mention it to my DM. If I can hypnotize creatures with bubbles and then critical hit their nads with my staff, I’m all over that biz.
Of course the last time I asked my DM for special powers, he gave me a cursed necklace that turned me into a woman. Wasn’t so bad really, cause it came with a once a month “spell of raging blood” that made dungeoneering super easy. They just put me in front and every creature ran from my verbal onslaught. The downside was later that night when the party rested. “Wait. So I’m the only female here and you want me to do what? I don’t think that’s what ‘flurry of blows’ means guys. Isn’t that a melee attack? Are you sure you checked the book? Oh, what the hell, it’s just roleplay!”
