Tag: d and d

Dragon Dice

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

dragon dice
Dragon Dice! The game of dragons and dice! New from Spaz-bro! These dragon dice are just what a nerd like me needs to up my D and D cred with my dungeon-mates. I kind of opened a door without checking for traps. Then ran in and found myself in the center of like 50 sleeping Orcs in their barracks. Who all woke up because I yelled, “What’s up biatches!” So much for stealth.

As punishment they fireballed and lightninged the whole room, with me in it. They haven’t let me play since, even though I brought cookies last time. These dragon dice should make up for it. Then I’ll be back to getting people killed in no time.
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Awaglass Soap Bubble Hourglass

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

soap bubble hourglass
Normally grains of sand fall in an hourglass and it usually takes about an hour. See ma, I am too smart. The Awaglass however, is some kind of strange wizard magic. It has hypnotic soapy bubbles that rise up instead of down. I’m like a level 8 sorcerer in D and D and even I don’t know how to do this. But I’m gonna mention it to my DM. If I can hypnotize creatures with bubbles and then critical hit their nads with my staff, I’m all over that biz.

Of course the last time I asked my DM for special powers, he gave me a cursed necklace that turned me into a woman. Wasn’t so bad really, cause it came with a once a month “spell of raging blood” that made dungeoneering super easy. They just put me in front and every creature ran from my verbal onslaught. The downside was later that night when the party rested. “Wait. So I’m the only female here and you want me to do what? I don’t think that’s what ‘flurry of blows’ means guys. Isn’t that a melee attack? Are you sure you checked the book? Oh, what the hell, it’s just roleplay!”

What happens in D and D, stays in D and D.
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Unleash The Kraken…Dice Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

kraken dice bagWhat’s Kraken peeps? Nuffin much, just playing some D and D with my sweet-ass Kraken dice bag by my side. He’s been unleashed you see. And it wasn’t easy getting a leash on him in the first place so I’m not about to put him away now. Besides, I just rolled a sweet crit against an Undead Goblin Mage and the rescued halfling Princess is about to show her gratitude, if you know what I mean. *wink, wink* It’s gonna be soooo sweet. The two of us are running away together.

Because I’m the hero D and D deserves, but not the one it needs right now… Plus, I’m really horny.

D And D Critical Hit: Demon And Dinosaur Fetuses

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

demon and dinosaur fetusesThe Ebay seller doesn’t say, but it seems like this pair shared the same womb. Probably had an epic smackdown in there too, here it was all Dino vs. Demon, where demon wing slaps got deflected by a dino tail and they clawed at each other like pansies, until they both fell asleep crying.
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