My chest hurts just looking at this thing. But it is kind of cute in that color. This Articulated Alien Chestburster comes in an assortment of colors in fact. You can keep him in your house, just don’t let him anywhere near your chest. It is about 24 inches of sheer terror wrapped in cute packaging. I might put this in the neighbors yard just because they piss me off. This Articulated Alien Chestburster is more like a heart burster when it surprises you in the middle of the night.
Now you can have your very own Articulated Misfits Devil Rat Doll. Why the hell not? Like I don’t have enough problems without some Devil Rat doll coming to life and doing the freaky deeky all up in here. Sure its cool looking. Both cute and evil at the same time. But no good can come from this thing. I’ve had pets like this before, so I know what I’m talking about. Like that rat clock. It’s always terror time around here.
It is creepy cool. Plus he wont leave droppings everywhere like a real rat. You won’t have to say rats! and clean it up. Or drats. Or even bats. Or tell him yo scat! Get it? That’s some poop humor right there. Probably why I feel flushed. heh! I still got it.
Oh man, these Pillbug Action Figures are freakin’ cool. I’m red-pilled, or is it black-pilled? I can never keep it straight. I’m Dread-Pilled. Totally pillbugged the fug out! I can finally play with nasty dirt creatures in my own home, in a way that won’t gross me out. Whose up for a cool pillbug action figures fight? My house. Tomorrow. At noon. I’m ready to mash these crazy ugly bugs together as we make noises. Sadly, my mom will find whatever the cheap version is and buy me that. I wouldn’t be surprised if she glued a bunch of Prozac to some bug legs. It’s happened before ya know.
Look honey, I got you the latest popular action figure. This one is even better because it is a real pill bug. Yeah thanks. Why couldn’t you tell me before I had it all in mouth, like the 5 year old that I am?
It’s a thrill bug baby. Or a chill bug. Depending on what medication she had in her purse when she manufactured it like Mommy Mattel in her crazy kid’s lab, whipping up all kinds of child unfriendly toys. Yeah, mom is a lot weird.
Oh Hello Kitty OMFG! This horrific kitty of nightmares is everyone’s favorite kitty, but all funked up! She’s cute, she’s cuddly, she’s… Carnivorous?She’s my murderer! Oh, holy crap! Hello Kitty has a new addition to her adorable face. Pink perky bow, adorable pointy ears, sweet little whiskers….What’s this? Those are monster tentacles! And an open mouth of death with crooked human teeth! Plus, strings of sticky, slimy drool! This horrific kitty beast needs some dental work, pronto. And, maybe a bib while we are at it. Is that drool? Damn girl, get a napkin at least. Control yourself, Hello Kitty! How do you feel about tentacles? She says that they are all the better to squeeze you with. Hello Kitty’s got three! Don’t get too close! I hear she does body cavity searches at with those things. Probably works at an airport.
At least I don’t see any claws on Hello Kitty like these rhinestone claw nail rings. That mouth is dangerous enough and I bet her whiskers are razor sharp. One thing is for sure, I will never look at this character the same way again. I also really hope that she doesn’t look at me. Ever. Just please don’t even notice me.
Slinky Rabbit. It’s Slinky. It’s Slinky. It’s such a wonderful toy. Slinky! Slinky! It brings more terror than joy! WTF yo! Is it a toy or taxidermy? It’s both. Somehow. Made from a freeze-dried rabbit by the way. In case you were wondering. Imagine this thing slinking around and chasing you. They say it died of natural causes, but I have to wonder if those natural causes were a madman and an ax. They say that children are our future, and maybe. But the future has some f**ked up toys. What ever happened to wholesome toys like Monster Cereal catnip toys? You can’t escape the slinky rabbit.
