Fortune Teller Skull Hourglass and Crystal Ball

Fortune Teller Skull Hourglass
How do fortune tellers tell time? They don’t tell time, they tell fortunes. Which is probably why they use stuff like this Fortune Teller Skull Hourglass to tell the time instead of watches. Hey Fortune Teller. Tell my fortune to get here quick, cuz I’m sick of waiting to get rich. Come to think of it, every time I pay you I lose a bit of my fortune. Good day madame. I said good day. That’s the last time I visit a fortune telling squirrel.

Gargoyle Hourglass

Gargoyle Hourglass
This Gargoyle Hourglass will let you know when an hour is up. Is it time yet? No. Is it time yet? No. Is it- WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT THE HOURGLASS? Never mind, this one empties in 5 minutes. It is time. It is past time. We are late. Late for a very important date.

This thing has a cool gargoyle design and is going to look great in your home. I’ve never seen your home, but I’m just guessing, cuz this hourglass is pretty damn awesome.

Cthulhu Lava Hourglass

Cthulhu Lava Hourglass
I tell time the H.P. Lovecraft way, with this Cthulhu Lava Hourglass. What time is it? It’s half past Cthulu’s ass and a quarter to his balls. It doesn’t matter what time you ask me, that’s always the time. This hourglass is lava-ly. I mean lovely.

The lava slowly counts down to a dark awakening that spells our doom.

Awaglass Soap Bubble Hourglass

soap bubble hourglass
Normally grains of sand fall in an hourglass and it usually takes about an hour. See ma, I am too smart. The Awaglass however, is some kind of strange wizard magic. It has hypnotic soapy bubbles that rise up instead of down. I’m like a level 8 sorcerer in D and D and even I don’t know how to do this. But I’m gonna mention it to my DM. If I can hypnotize creatures with bubbles and then critical hit their nads with my staff, I’m all over that biz.

Of course the last time I asked my DM for special powers, he gave me a cursed necklace that turned me into a woman. Wasn’t so bad really, cause it came with a once a month “spell of raging blood” that made dungeoneering super easy. They just put me in front and every creature ran from my verbal onslaught. The downside was later that night when the party rested. “Wait. So I’m the only female here and you want me to do what? I don’t think that’s what ‘flurry of blows’ means guys. Isn’t that a melee attack? Are you sure you checked the book? Oh, what the hell, it’s just roleplay!”

What happens in D and D, stays in D and D.
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