Tag: garden

Succulent Coffin Planter

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Succulent Coffin Planter
The Succulent Coffin Planter ensures that your succulents Rest In Peace. This Gothic planter proves that succulents don’t actually suck. How does your Goth garden grow? Pretty damn creepily thanks to accessories like this. It is especially good if you don’t have a green thumb and everything that you plant dies anyway. Now you will be prepared for every plant funeral. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…. This Succulent Coffin Planter shows that you respect plants. Even if you are a serial plant murderer.

Give it your best and if you have to, lay it to rest. That’s my gardening style. Of course, I have 5 acres of dirt and one dead Chia Pet. Cha cha cha chia. My thumb is black, not green. That’s why I stick with the Coffin Zen Garden. That way I have nothing to kill but time. Man, that’s deep.

Stained Glass Ravens For Your Gothic Garden

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Stained Glass Ravens For Your Gothic Garden
Stained Glass Ravens. I love that phrase. I can’t stop saying it. It’s fun. Just rolls off the tongue. Not sure what they’re stained with, but they look amazing. Perfect for your gothic home or garden. If I could talk to these birds, I would say stuff like, “Your ass is glass!” and “Nevermore!” and “What are you raven about?” But I can’t. Not until I buy a set. I just spent all of my money on crows. Hey, I needed something to crow about.

Anyone crowing about ravens? Or ravening about crows? Hey, I just met you. This might be crazy. Here’s my number, so CAW me maybe… I know, that’s terrible. Feel free to caw me out. Seriously though, these Stained Glass Ravens look all kinds of cool. Yes, I restrained myself from saying caw again. I may be crazy but I do have self-restraint and I’m also very talon-ted. What? What did I say? Anyway, they look awesome. I’m going to see if they attract more ravens to my house.

Slightly off topic, why did they never call kids who attended raves ravens? Seems like a no-brainer. Which is probably why I thought of it. I have no brain.

Guillotine Garden Pick – Off With Your Plant’s Head

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Guillotine Garden Pick - Off With Your Plant's Head
Scare the green off your plants with this Guillotine Garden Pick. Do you say gee-a-teen or gill-a-teen. The proper way to say it is gee-a-teen. Either way, if your house plants displease you, just bring this thing out and they will fall in line. It is the perfect accessory for any gothling who has a green thumb, but black nail polish. Which is half of my audience. I have a cactus who could use a good dose of fear from this Guillotine Garden Pick. I’m sick of getting stabbed every time I water it. I mean, you can’t even give a cactus a good smack.

Gothic Human Skull Planter with Saucer

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Gothic Human Skull Planter with Saucer
I don’t know about you, but I like my plants to grow out of bone. It’s one way that I can bone up on my gardening skills. There’s nothing like succulents growing from a skull. This Gothic Human Skull Planter with Saucer is exactly what you need for your home or orifice. I mean office. Man, what a typo. Perfect for your Gothic garden.

Alien Head Planters

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Alien Head Planters
These Alien Head Planters are guaranteed to start some conversations and also be a fun place to store your garden life. Those conversations will no doubt be about alien abduction, but still. It comes in three sizes: small, medium, and large. It also comes in several different colors: blue, pink, green, orange, red, yellow, black, gray, white, silver, bronze, or purple. The vases are each handmade from Pla Plastic and are completely biodegradable. Best of all they will ward off real aliens who enter your home or yard.