Tag: decor

Scary Stories Throw Blanket

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Scary Stories Throw Blanket
I’m under my Scary Stories Throw Blanket and ready for my scary stories right now. Which one of you is ready to read? You know the drill, I hide under the blanket, fall asleep within 5 minutes and you get to watch a wet spot slowly appear like a specter from my nether region. I know, I’m a real catch. I’m the scariest story. Ask any mother. Hell, ask anybody.

This blanket is inspired by the actual Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark book and will keep you warm while stories are being told. It’s a throw blanket so just throw it anywhere and everywhere. Toss it here and toss it there. Toss it everywhere. Toss your salad underneath. If you have a throw blanket you’re required to throw it like 10 times a day. It’s in the name. And I’m pretty sure that is federal law. All I know is that this is enough to get the “wet” out from the nightmare stories of the night before, but that’s just me. And hey, if dark mermaids are more your thing, check out this Mermaid Skeleton Blanket. It is pretty sexy and like totally goth and will look amazing in your home.

Succulent Coffin Planter

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Succulent Coffin Planter
The Succulent Coffin Planter ensures that your succulents Rest In Peace. This Gothic planter proves that succulents don’t actually suck. How does your Goth garden grow? Pretty damn creepily thanks to accessories like this. It is especially good if you don’t have a green thumb and everything that you plant dies anyway. Now you will be prepared for every plant funeral. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…. This Succulent Coffin Planter shows that you respect plants. Even if you are a serial plant murderer.

Give it your best and if you have to, lay it to rest. That’s my gardening style. Of course, I have 5 acres of dirt and one dead Chia Pet. Cha cha cha chia. My thumb is black, not green. That’s why I stick with the Coffin Zen Garden. That way I have nothing to kill but time. Man, that’s deep.

Creepy Murderous Mushroom Doll – Holy Shiitake!

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Creepy Murderous Mushroom Doll - Holy Shiitake!
We’ve seen some creepy dolls, but Holy Shiitake Batman! That is one crazed killer and creepy Murderous Mushroom Doll. Look at him. Did I just assume his gender? Deal with it. I mean if it has a mushroom head… He loves his mini murder spree and rusty-ass knife. That much is clear. The horror! Still, he looks like a fun-gi. Wanna hear a joke? I thought so. Where do they make prison food? In the Mush-Room. Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha. Don’t shank me bro! Anyway, why do toads need a stool? Take this Mushroom Doll home, and he won’t take up mushroom at all. I promise. Probably more truffle than he’s worth though to be honest.

Keep your eye on this little guy. He’s been trippin on his own juices. If you do buy this little guy make sure you set him up in a shroom with a view. You know. He likes his space is all I’m sayin. All I know is that the mushroom kingdom is not at all what the Mario games promised me it would be. It’s more nightmare than colorful platforming fun with my little cartoon buds. Nope. Not at all. Shudders.

Black Krampus Bell Candle

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Black Krampus Bell CandleThis Black Krampus Bell Candle is a classy way to decorate your home for the holidays while letting a little Krampus into your life. It’s shaped like an antique sleigh bell. Classy AF. Now its lit in here. That’s what the kids say. Maybe Krampus will show up and steal your kids, putting them in a sack. You never know. You aren’t ready for Christmas until you have one of these lit in honor of the Krampus man.

Creepy Baby Christmas Ornaments – Merry Mutants

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Creepy Baby Christmas Ornaments
What the shizz!? Don’t be putting any of these Creepy Baby Christmas Ornaments on my tree this year or Santa’s gonna puke all over the gifts. Like that time everyone found a bottle of Gin, an emptied ashtray and a pile of puke under the tree in 2004, with the train going round and round it all, pulling along a little elf across the filth. Of course I was Santa that year and it didn’t take much after polishing off that bottle and ingesting about the tenth taco. These ornaments raise the puke-o-meter to vomit-con 5.